lost on the internets

A Story.

one-twenty-five:

Have you ever looked at a person and known there was a connection there? Your heart skips a beat,

Well… way-back-when in 2004 I had that spark with a boy I worked with.  I swear he felt it too.  We became fast friends, but nothing ever happened… I was convinced it was because he thought I was too fat; he liked me, but simply thought I was too fat for him to pursue anything further than friends.

Well… lo and behold I received a message from said boy who “stumbled across my profile recently and just wanted to let [me] know, [i] look great” umm whhhhaaattt the effff? and then it continued to awkwardly ask me out.

Again, ummm whhhhhhaaaat?

I find myself in a predicament… do I go on a date with someone who thinks I’m only good enough for him now that I’ve lost weight? Or tell him to peace out, because if I wasn’t good enough for him when I was a fatty, he’s not good enough for me now that I’m a partial-fatty?

The obvious choice is to move on, but let’s be honest here… we all do it.  I’ve even done it… so I don’t really want to hold it against him.

Sigh, oh the joys of being fat chubby lady.

100% tell him to forget it.  because it will always be in the back of your mind. 

I’ve gone up and down more times than i can possibly count and, as a result, have always pretty much hated the people i met when i looked my best because i always secretly suspected that they would not have liked me when i wasnt my best.  probably because, early on, one of them actually came out and said it - that he hadnt been interested in me prior because i was heavier back then…  and i dont need that.

in a weird, twisted way, i’m happy that i got engaged when i was pretty close to my worst, weight-wise…  because i never worry why he wants to be with me or if he’d be the kind of guy who’d break up with me if i got fat after having kids or something… 

i wish i was cooler than i am.

i hate when i look at clothes or shoes in the store or on other people and love the way they look but know that even if i bought them, i’d never have the guts to wear them because i’d be sure that i was going to get it wrong or look like i was trying too hard.

oh god let it be noon.

just got an email notifying me that my HS boyfriend’s little sister posted a picture on facebook and tagged me in it.

i cannot see said picture as facebook is blocked at my office until noon.

i am so scared.

Edit:  HAHA - false alarm.  just one of those dumb ‘share your memories in the comments’ pictures where you tag everyone you knew.

of course, that makes me laugh given the fact that she and i really didnt get along so much…  would she like me to reminise about how her mom banned me from BF’s graduation? or how they stood in his room listening to his answering machine messages so they could laugh at me when we were fighting?  or maybe the time she was hooking up with a friend of mine behind his GFs back and then when he wouldnt give her the time of day at MY CLASS’ (which she was not a part of) graduation party, she expected me to leave too? 

or, ooh - i know!  the time we were at dinner for their step-dad’s birthday and contemplating dessert and either she or her mom turned to the other and said, in a loud whisper, ‘skip it - you dont want to get fat like kristen did’. 

yeah, good times.

Mixtape Mixer #11

thedept:

MTM #11 — October 26, 2009 — Theme = “Take A Bow”

My methodology:  MTM #11 was our first anniversary event, and I’m also pleased to say that we got some level of attendance back up.  (Speaking of, if anyone’s reading this and is interested, we’ve got a whole mess of ways you can find us, from Meetup to Facebook, but start here:  http://www.mixtapemixer.com).  So we were feeling self-congratulatory, hence, the desire to take a bow.  There was also a significant chance that MTM #11 would be our last one, after having had dismal turnout for the few prior (again, thankfully, that’s been staved off).  The idea of this theme though, to take it literally, was to make a mix of great live tracks. The only exception I made was on the Sloan song, as the so-called Party Album wasn’t actually recorded live (but the gimmick was funny, and I opted out of using anything from their actual live album because of this).

1. They Might Be Giants - “Why Does The Sun Shine? (The Sun Is A Mass Of Incandescent Gas)” - Severe Tire Damage
2. The Clash - “Train In Vain” - Live at Shea Stadium
3. Weezer - “My Name Is Jonas (Live)” - Weezer (Blue Album - Deluxe Edition)
4. Ben Folds - “Army” - Ben Folds Live
5. Langhorne Slim - “And If It’s True” - Live at Austin City Limits Music Festival 2008
6. Mike Doughty - “Grey Ghost” - Smofe & Smang:  Live in Minneapolis
7. Fountains of Wayne - “She’s Got A Problem (Live)” - Out-of-State Plates
8. Jeff Buckley - “Mojo Pin” - Live at Sin-E
9. Love Jones - “Pineapple” - Live @ Jerry’s
10. New York Ska-Jazz Ensemble - “Buttah (Live)” - Minor Moods
11. The Pietasters - “Girl Take It Easy (Live)” - 1992-1996
12. Phish - “Once In A Lifetime” - Live Phish Volume 15
13. Talking Heads - “Life During Wartime” - Stop Making Sense
14. The Police - “Next To You (Live)” - Message In A Box
15. Sloan - “Dignified And Old” - Recorded Live At A Sloan Party!
16. Wilco - “The Late Greats (Live)” - A Ghost Is Born - Tour EP

i i wish there were an eharmony/match.com situation for making new girl friends

reallykatie:

FILE UNDER: perhaps the most loser-ish of all the loser thoughts i’ve ever had

i bet way more people have had this same thought than you think…  god knows i have…  i actually think match experimented with the idea for like, a minute, but i may have made that up… 

However, how about a meetup group?

Today in 'What The Fuck is Wrong With Jon Gosselin?'

disgustingthingsihaveeaten:

“I love challah bread. I’m learning about Jewish food, going to Zabar’s. I love that place.” - J.G.

Because there is no quicker trial by fire than the wrath of 100 angry UWS yentas on line for groceries. Just be thankful it’s not Ess-a-Bagel on the Friday before a holiday weekend!

 Just so long as he stays far away from Fairway…